Personalising Your Wedding Ceremony – How to Write Touching Wedding Vows

Planning your wedding ceremony can be among the most exciting and joyous things you’ll ever have the chance to do. From appointing your wedding party to finding dresses and tuxedos, choosing a venue and everything in between, it’s a fantastic time for you and your soon-to-be spouse. One other vital element of planning your special day is choosing or writing your wedding vows. It’s important then to write vows that reflect your relationship and feelings toward each other.

 In past times, opting for traditional wedding vows was the done thing; increasingly, though, it’s becoming commonplace for couples to write their own wedding vows. Many people who write their own vows are of the opinion that doing so adds a very special, intimate and individual touch to their wedding ceremony. Whether you choose to write your vows together or individually, there are a few things that you may want to take on board before you start writing.

Should we write our vows together or separately?
The question of writing joint or individual vows ultimately comes down to personal preference, as each method has many positive attributes. Writing vows together can be a real bonding experience for you as a soon-to-be-married couple, and gives you the opportunity to reflect together on what makes your relationship so special. Writing individual vows, however, can be a wonderful way of reminding your new husband or wife of how much they mean to you. Writing individual vows can also add a delightful element of surprise to your special day; it’s not uncommon for a couple to agree on a few general rules, and then keep their vows under wraps until the wedding day.

Tips for writing wedding vows

• If you are writing your vows as a couple, it can be helpful to use a series of questions as a starting point. What does being married mean to you as a couple? Why is getting married important to you? How will being husband and wife change your relationship (or keep it the same)? You can use terms such as “living our life together”, “sharing life’s journey”, “living my life with you” and others along the same lines to describe your feelings and tie things together.
• Brainstorm together or individually. Write a soppy love letter to your soon-to-be spouse, and be generous with your praise. Think of all the fun times you’ve had, when you’ve supported each other through adversity, even about the first time you met. Think of as many things you do and don’t like or want to include in your vows, and try to find some common ground. It’s very important that a couple are thinking along the same lines when writing their vows.
• Writing your wedding vows individually allows you to reminisce about things such as how you first met, what your absolute favourite thing about your spouse is, what made you decide that you wanted to marry them, and what your favourite memory of them is.
• Regardless of whether you write your vows together or separately, it’s important to decide on a basic format and a few rules for your vows; having one person write a 15-minute monologue and the other say a handful of words just wouldn’t look or sound right! Find a few simple phrases you both like such as “you are the one for me”, “you are my lover and best friend” or even just “I love you”.
• Try and incorporate elements such as favourite song lyrics, quotes, sayings and the like; often there may be a theme underpinning all these without either of you even being aware of it.
• Traditional vows play an important role, even when you’re writing your own vows. You can decide what you do and don’t like about them, how you can adjust them to suit you and even use them as a frame-work for your own vows.
• Once you’ve written your vows, it’s a good idea to run them by your wedding celebrant. Final approval can give both of you peace of mind, and your celebrant may even offer suggestions as to how to improve your vows.

What other elements can I include in wedding vows?
It’s very common for other elements such as quotes, sayings, poems (or poem extracts), prayers or readings, and song lyrics to be incorporated into self-written wedding vows. Particularly if the chosen elements are much-loved by both of you, they are another example of the many things that make your relationship unique and special.

Writing your wedding vows is a very special step in the journey towards being married. With a little thought, some reminiscing and a lot of creativity, you and your future spouse can write wedding vows that truly reflect how special and wonderful your relationship is.